The most powerful way to become courageous

Too many people avoid what they fear

Before we get started, I’m creating a mini course to help you organize your life and set goals to harness that September fresh-start energy. Let me know in the comments — what are your biggest difficulties when it comes to setting or achieving your goals?

Too many people avoid what they fear.

Instead of following their dreams, speaking their actual mind or trying new things to find fulfillment and meaning, they let the fear of judgment, failure, lack of self-trust or belief stop them from becoming who they’re uniquely meant to be.

This is tragic. Let’s be clear on the cost: not just unfulfilled potential, but also an ever-growing gnawing at your soul that you’re too afraid to do the things you’re called to do.

This breeds self-loathing, in turn inspiring you to look outside yourself for love and approval as a paltry substitute for what you should be looking for within.

Avoiding what you fear for too long leaves you feeling directionless, purposeless or stuck, pretending you don’t know what actions to take, when the truth is you do know, but are simply too scared to take them.

The problem isn’t that you’re too scared. It’s that you’re too comfortable

The breakthrough happens when you decide to become courageous and face your fears.

What will it take?

For more than 30 years, I let fear stop me from following my dreams.

I worried what people would think, wondered who I was to publish my writing online, worried I sounded dumb or desperate for attention.

Every time I tried to do something meaningful, an unhelpful voice cut me down: “Who do you think you are?”

When I started posting yoga pictures anonymously on Instagram in 2014, that voice shot me down. “Who do you think you are? You can’t do a handstand. Nobody wants to look at 800 variations of triangle pose. You don’t have a wardrobe full of cute leggings.”

But all I’d ever wanted was to put myself out into the world. I had a voice, I had things to say. I wanted to express myself. So I began sharing my crappy cell-phone pictures taken without even a tripod, and even though I thought all my captions were lame, I posted every day. I showed up.

And later when I created plans to grow my blog readership, that same voice jeered: “Who do you think you are? Just because people on Instagram like what you have to say doesn’t mean anyone else will. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re going to try and fail and then you’ll be depressed and no options will be left.”

But by that point in my life, I’d survived cancer at 27, I’d survived loneliness and loss and pain. I was tired of cutting myself down with such cruel self-talk. I wanted something different.

We all find courage when it counts.

The day of my first chemo treatment in 2009, sitting in the cushy chair as the nice blonde nurse moved the needle closer to my skin, I felt so alone even though my now-husband sat next to me.

In that moment, I understood how alone we are in life, regardless of who sits beside us. Nobody else could get the treatment for me. Nobody could fill in to face the months of exhaustion and feelings of toxicity and visions of my bald head reflected in the mirror.

At one point, I cut my long hair into a chin-length bob to make losing it easier. Each morning I woke up to find countless strands covering my pillow.

One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I took my palms to my scalp, rubbing the hair off, the remaining pieces gathering into balls under my palms. The soft piles of the girl I once was fell into the bathroom trash can. Afterward, I looked myself in the mirror, tears falling from my newly bald head, and told myself: “this is the worst day of your life. It’s going to get better from here.”

After that, I didn’t care as much what other people thought.

This was my life, and I was going to live it the way I wanted to.

To face my fears and realize that just like nobody else could face treatment, nobody else could walk through the fire to become the woman I wanted to be.

I was going to have to find my courage, face my fears and follow my dreams.

It took a lot of meditation and journaling to heal these pains, change my inner voice and learn to believe in myself.

Ten years of writing online, following my purpose, and I still experience frustration and self-doubt, but now my inner dialogue mostly wonders: “why not me? I’m smart, talented, capable and have a lot to offer. I deserve success.”

We all find courage when it counts, but you don’t have to wait for tragedy to become courageous.

You already are courageous.

Today, I want to help you know it.

Why people let fear keep them stuck

1. Lack of self-belief

You may think you’re not capable, don’t have what it takes. You may fear failure, or more precisely, your fears about what that would mean. Past pains may fuel self-deprecating thoughts casting doubt on your worthiness or ingenuity.

2. Lack of self-trust

You may look for external approval to make sure you don’t make a wrong choice. You don’t trust your intuition, your ability to problem solve, or perhaps all-or-nothing thinking has you fearing financial instability.

3. Fear of what others think

Disconnected from your true self, you focus more on pleasing others than authentic self-expression. You fear others’ judgement, and don’t want to be seen starting at the beginning because it feels embarrassing. You're afraid you suck, and don’t want others to judge you for it (mostly because it would confirm your own fears).

4. Limiting beliefs

Things like a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset have you thinking that you need all the answers and expertise right now. You don’t see facing fear as a growth opportunity, but rather through a pass/fail lens. You may have taken on external expectations of who you should be and what you should do in the world.

What we fear more than failure or judgment is facing our own self-criticism. Being kind to ourselves for trying something new is sometimes the most powerful thing we can do to overcome fear and find courage.

How to overcome fear and find courage to become the highest version of yourself

1. Make facing your fear a spiritual practice

Don’t worry about writing a best-selling novel or becoming a social media superstar or being good at anything. Simply make it your goal to start. Make your goal facing your fear. Realize the stakes — that you won’t fully experience your life or your own potential if you continue to let fear control you — and make facing your fear a spiritual practice.

2. Commit to a small step forward

You don’t have to go all in. Start small. Publish anonymously, make a short-form video instead of long-form, write a paragraph in your novel.

—> I do recommend making a commitment for consistent action. Forcing yourself to consistently act will help you get used to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

3. Let your vision motivate you

One of the most powerful ways to overcome fear is to be so compelled by the vision of what you want to create that it inspires you to act despite fear.

Link your vision and goals to your values. When motivated by your deep, core values, fears of what others think or of failing tend to hold less sway.

4. Get annoyed with yourself for being so scared and lame

This may sound harsh, but what do you really have to lose? Widen the lens. You’re not fighting in war. You’re (probably) not working in an emergency room. Nobody’s life is at stake. For many people reading this, you’re publishing things on the Internet from the comfort and security of your living room.

It’s really not that big of a deal. The stakes aren’t that high. That said…

5. Do strategic inner work to rewrite limiting beliefs and develop self-belief

The quality of your life and the level of success you’re able to create relies heavily upon your mindset. You need to cultivate a growth mindset. You need to build confidence, self-belief, self-trust and self-esteem.

These things don’t happen naturally because we all have past pains and beliefs we’ve inherited from our family and society that continue to drive (and limit) us until consciously evaluated.

This is what I’m here to help you with in The Journaling Club.

Become courageous to die without regret

The purpose of life is the experience of being alive. You could die, face your soul, and realize you were scared to do what mattered the most.

Part of the meaning of life is to grow and lean into your soul lessons. If you don’t learn the lessons, you’ll have to repeat them in your next life, and even worse — you’ll never be truly happy in this life.

Happiness comes from being courageous enough to listen to the calling of your soul.

Ultimately the only thing that matters is living a life that’s authentic to you. Like Jimi Hendrix said:

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”

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If you want help implementing these steps, join The Journaling Club!

The Journaling Club is your roadmap (with support and community) to creating a meaningful life as unique as you are.

You can also choose the Founding Member option and get a 1:1 session with me plus a year in the Club.

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Love you all so much,

Suzanne