Before making a career change, you need to know the truth about success
A Gucci bag made me feel alive, but not for the reason you think
A few years ago around Christmas, after one of the biggest months in my business, I ran across the street to buy a Gucci bag at the mall, frantic yet excited.
I felt thrilled to hit such huge numbers, but terrified to lose momentum.
I get nervous when things go really well, worried about what I could lose.
That’s partly because I encountered so much death as a teen, but I think the fear of loss is etched in our souls, as humans.
I wanted the bag. I also felt desperate to keep the high vibes going, and thought an expansive purchase would do the trick. (lol)
A few months later, my health (and business) began to collapse.
I thought about this recently for two reasons.
A. It’s Christmas and I always fondly remember that time in my business when I was living my dream, and hold it in my heart as proof for what I’m rebuilding.
B. I’m reading a book called Inner Excellence1 (that I saw a Chiefs player read on the bench during a game that Joe was watching).
In it, the author Jim Murphy talks about how desiring to win for the wrong reasons makes us afraid to lose, which ironically makes us more likely to lose.
“What we really want in life is much more than winning a game or a medal. What we want are permanent life-enriching rewards like great experiences, feeling alive, learning and growing and being challenged.”
This made me think of the Gucci bag sitting in my closet that I hardly ever wear.
What I most cherish about that bag isn’t the beautiful gold chain strap or even the little hearts embroidered on the back, but the memory of running breathlessly to the mall, feeling powerful and happy and like anything was possible.
I felt alive.
As a soul-aligned career coach, I talk with a lot of women contemplating career changes, and they too feel excited but scared.
They’re afraid of taking a risk only to discover they’re still not fulfilled, which would mean they’re not actually meant for something more.
They worry about their family judging or misunderstanding them (more than they already do).
And they’re nervous about wasting more time or money on so-called wrong choices because of the pressure they’ve put on themselves to figure it out already.
Sometimes it’s safer to dwell in the fantasy of your dreams coming true rather than risk your heart and soul, and face the fear of having no options left.
(When the truth is you’re never out of options. There’s always a path forward.)
Every woman who’s ever reinvented her career navigates these fears.
On the surface, they manifest as:
Struggling to focus on new ideas, suddenly convinced the laundry or dishes are more important.
Taking yet another career aptitude quiz even though it never says anything new.
Signing up for endless courses or trainings, hoping someone else can give you the clarity you can’t seem to access on your own.
My clients are all very different women, and yet they experience the same exact doubts and struggles.
(If this resonates, you’ll love my new Decide Your Direction career clarity workshop. We’ll go through this layer by layer, with the precision I’m known for.)
Obviously the purpose of a career is to make money, but you can earn money doing a lot of things.
The dream is to make money doing what you love, but people focus on what they could lose or the more ego-based fruits of success like recognition or impressing others…
When the more meaningful litmus test is — how alive will this make me feel?
Because when you’re focused on what could go wrong, you end up making choices that create the exact reality you fear.
You worry about not making mistakes, count how much applause or cash is coming in, all while the desire to protect your ego keeps you stuck. Meanwhile your higher self longs for bold, courageous action.
The biggest thing to fear with staying in a career that doesn’t fulfill you is the experience of your soul slowly dying.
When your entire life is built around gaining validation from outside, you slowly lose access to the part of you that knows what would make you come alive.
The wins you experience while pursuing heart-felt goals may take similar shape —money, recognition or a general feeling of competence — but the wins themselves aren’t what bring joy.
They’re by-products of focus and discipline and courage and commitment.
By-products of becoming the woman you were always meant to be.
And those things are what actually bring joy.
When you stay in situations that don’t enliven you because you’re scared of losing something you don’t even want, you slowly lose respect for yourself, and that’s why your soul begins to die.
Meanwhile the experience of being the best, most courageous and disciplined version of yourself is what makes you feel alive.
So as we go into the new year, and you contemplate which career direction you want to choose…
Instead of pursuing proven paths and recognition, follow the feeling of aliveness.
What truly matters to you?
What will bring fulfillment, purpose and joy?
When you stop focusing on your own fears, doubts and insecurities, what do you feel called to do or create in the world?
I’d love to hear what that is. Comment below and share.
You have a bigger purpose and the joy of your life will be losing yourself in pursuit of that.
Giving your two-week notice once you’ve got your new career dialed in or a plan in place means more than quitting a job.
It symbolizes the woman you became, the one brave enough to choose herself.
When you die, that’s what you’ll remember.
Gucci bag or not — I’ve learned our losses and gains come and go. The most valuable measure of whether we’re doing something meaningful is how alive we feel.
All the love,
Suzanne
PS — If you feel stuck between career ideas and are ready to make a decision, join the waitlist for the Decide Your Direction workshop coming soon!
PPS — If you’re ready for personalized support, apply to work with me here.
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This hit me! I woke up angry this morning and after some reflection realized that anger was actually fear. I've taken a step-back from a career that I loved but had caused stress and burnout after years and years of high pressure. I'm afraid I won't be able to succeed outside of that career or I won't be able to be happy and healthy within it. My goal is to help other professional women create sustainable careers in the corporate system - but can I help them when I wasn't able to do that for myself? Argh! So much insecurity!