This is such a great article, and I hope lots of people read it. Those stupid goal posts! They're always moving. :) So true. Enjoy your breakdown of the process v. outcome. My very best coaches in sports always preached similar. You can't just magically be ranked #1 and have that as the goal. But if you do the daily work and love the daily grind of what you do, the outcomes appear. Bravo to this article!
Thanks Mike! I love learning about athletes' mindsets because it's such a powerful way to think. I was actually shocked to learn elite performers tend not to focus on outcomes, and that realization helped me embrace the idea of focusing on process not the goal. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences!
This spoke to me so deeply. And inspired me to start committing to a short routine before I start work/my to do list, so that I don’t start the day stressed and anxious because that affects my whole day and I never feel like I’ve achieved enough. I need a way to remind myself to come out of what Tara Brach calls ‘the trance of unworthiness’ x
Love hearing that! Morning routines are everything. I’ve never been a morning person but the other night I shocked myself by looking forward to my coffee and morning pages routine. I’m thrilled this blog spoke to you. Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your reflections. Love Tara Brach! She is brilliant. ♥️
Ugh the constant reminding! That’s the crux, isn’t it? To continually remind yourself; become aware and catch yourself when you’ve fallen in that trap again (I’ve just written a post about this actually). You can’t expect to have to do that only once, it’s a process without end. I love the idea of creating a little routine to help with that. What do you do during your routine if I may ask? 🌞
Yes absolutely. Tara Brach talks about that - when we remember, we awaken from the trance. There are ways to spot it - like for me, if I’m rushing around and feeling stressed, that’s a big sign to pause and check in with how I’m feeling. But I so often forgot! I look forward to reading your post. Re: my routine, I’m still figuring it out but it includes taking a brief walk to the river behind my house, lighting a candle and doing a short meditation, hand on heart, slow, deep breaths x
Yes, I loved her book (‘Radical Acceptance’), I read it quite recently. The idea of pausing is so powerful. And it sounds so simple, yet is bafflingly hard to do somehow. My walk is my favourite and most ingrained part of my morning routine 🌳 The tricky thing is to pause when you need to, and since that varies, it’s almost impossible to make it part of your routine.
Developing a relationship with the part of you who pushes and finding way to make the things that you do fun are 🧑🍳 💋 This idea of working with yourself rather than against yourself 👏
So often goals are driven from a place of ego which ultimately arises because of insecurity. By, like you said, clearing the pain, fear, etc out of the way so that you can connect with your “true self” or “compass” or whatever you want to call it, it’s clear how much of a difference it makes.
Yes, it's so true! Goals often are driven by insecurity. It's interesting because sometimes people do seem to achieve things driven by that insecurity, anger or a chip on their shoulder, but I notice that success doesn't seem to alleviate those feelings. Nothing heals our insides except healing our insides. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it!
Suzanne, Interestingly, I was observing the kinds of thoughts I was having in meditation this morning, and they were indeed related to unhealthy attachments. I resonate with so much of what you've said in this piece. I want to engage in activities and work that bring genuine joy, not dopamine hits.
How interesting Sandra! Love the synchronicity. I’m so glad the blog resonated with you. Yes, modern life requires a constant vigilance against dopamine hits! Happy to have all these opportunities but a double-edged sword for sure.
And wow, I resonate strongly with BOTH aspects of your journey: your fitness journey and career journey! I too don't have body image issues (well I sort of used to, but that was due to racist influenced which made me wish I wasn't Chinese), and am happily seeing slow gains in my weight training.
But career wise? Ohhoohooo...what a different story!! I too overstrove and pushed and pushed and..it felt like nothing was happening!!
I like your process for moving through all of this though. I don't think I'd ever sat down to articulate it or think through it as well as you have here.❤️
Aw, I’m sorry you experienced that, but so glad to hear you’re enjoying a weight training journey! I’m working up to that, but Pilates works for now 💪🏼 so glad the process resonated with you. I think that’s my special gift - breaking down inner work and making it easy for people to apply, so it’s awesome to hear that reflected back. Thanks for reading and taking the time to share your reflections! ♥️
No way, Suzanne it’s like we unknowingly wrote twin posts! I wrote about imagining a perfect life/future, that this can make it hard to enjoy life now, and how instead of the present being a means to reach a goal, having a goal or purpose is in fact a way to enjoy the present ✨ I love the idea of looking at the fears that underlie such an unhealthy attachment to the outcome, to sit with those uncomfortable feelings, and to work with them, to take them along on the journey 🧡 here’s my piece, in case you’re interested: https://open.substack.com/pub/beginneratlife/p/the-perils-of-imagining-a-perfect?r=2e3bq7&utm_medium=ios
This is such a great article, and I hope lots of people read it. Those stupid goal posts! They're always moving. :) So true. Enjoy your breakdown of the process v. outcome. My very best coaches in sports always preached similar. You can't just magically be ranked #1 and have that as the goal. But if you do the daily work and love the daily grind of what you do, the outcomes appear. Bravo to this article!
Thanks Mike! I love learning about athletes' mindsets because it's such a powerful way to think. I was actually shocked to learn elite performers tend not to focus on outcomes, and that realization helped me embrace the idea of focusing on process not the goal. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences!
"You can't just magically be ranked #1 and have that as the goal."
Well said, Mike!
This spoke to me so deeply. And inspired me to start committing to a short routine before I start work/my to do list, so that I don’t start the day stressed and anxious because that affects my whole day and I never feel like I’ve achieved enough. I need a way to remind myself to come out of what Tara Brach calls ‘the trance of unworthiness’ x
Love hearing that! Morning routines are everything. I’ve never been a morning person but the other night I shocked myself by looking forward to my coffee and morning pages routine. I’m thrilled this blog spoke to you. Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your reflections. Love Tara Brach! She is brilliant. ♥️
Ugh the constant reminding! That’s the crux, isn’t it? To continually remind yourself; become aware and catch yourself when you’ve fallen in that trap again (I’ve just written a post about this actually). You can’t expect to have to do that only once, it’s a process without end. I love the idea of creating a little routine to help with that. What do you do during your routine if I may ask? 🌞
Yes absolutely. Tara Brach talks about that - when we remember, we awaken from the trance. There are ways to spot it - like for me, if I’m rushing around and feeling stressed, that’s a big sign to pause and check in with how I’m feeling. But I so often forgot! I look forward to reading your post. Re: my routine, I’m still figuring it out but it includes taking a brief walk to the river behind my house, lighting a candle and doing a short meditation, hand on heart, slow, deep breaths x
Yes, I loved her book (‘Radical Acceptance’), I read it quite recently. The idea of pausing is so powerful. And it sounds so simple, yet is bafflingly hard to do somehow. My walk is my favourite and most ingrained part of my morning routine 🌳 The tricky thing is to pause when you need to, and since that varies, it’s almost impossible to make it part of your routine.
Developing a relationship with the part of you who pushes and finding way to make the things that you do fun are 🧑🍳 💋 This idea of working with yourself rather than against yourself 👏
So often goals are driven from a place of ego which ultimately arises because of insecurity. By, like you said, clearing the pain, fear, etc out of the way so that you can connect with your “true self” or “compass” or whatever you want to call it, it’s clear how much of a difference it makes.
Excellent stuff 🙌🏻
Yes, it's so true! Goals often are driven by insecurity. It's interesting because sometimes people do seem to achieve things driven by that insecurity, anger or a chip on their shoulder, but I notice that success doesn't seem to alleviate those feelings. Nothing heals our insides except healing our insides. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it!
Hundred percent! That infinite treadmill of achievement!
Suzanne, Interestingly, I was observing the kinds of thoughts I was having in meditation this morning, and they were indeed related to unhealthy attachments. I resonate with so much of what you've said in this piece. I want to engage in activities and work that bring genuine joy, not dopamine hits.
How interesting Sandra! Love the synchronicity. I’m so glad the blog resonated with you. Yes, modern life requires a constant vigilance against dopamine hits! Happy to have all these opportunities but a double-edged sword for sure.
Finally got a chance to read this!
And wow, I resonate strongly with BOTH aspects of your journey: your fitness journey and career journey! I too don't have body image issues (well I sort of used to, but that was due to racist influenced which made me wish I wasn't Chinese), and am happily seeing slow gains in my weight training.
But career wise? Ohhoohooo...what a different story!! I too overstrove and pushed and pushed and..it felt like nothing was happening!!
I like your process for moving through all of this though. I don't think I'd ever sat down to articulate it or think through it as well as you have here.❤️
Aw, I’m sorry you experienced that, but so glad to hear you’re enjoying a weight training journey! I’m working up to that, but Pilates works for now 💪🏼 so glad the process resonated with you. I think that’s my special gift - breaking down inner work and making it easy for people to apply, so it’s awesome to hear that reflected back. Thanks for reading and taking the time to share your reflections! ♥️
It's definitely your gift!❤️
Great piece 🌿
No way, Suzanne it’s like we unknowingly wrote twin posts! I wrote about imagining a perfect life/future, that this can make it hard to enjoy life now, and how instead of the present being a means to reach a goal, having a goal or purpose is in fact a way to enjoy the present ✨ I love the idea of looking at the fears that underlie such an unhealthy attachment to the outcome, to sit with those uncomfortable feelings, and to work with them, to take them along on the journey 🧡 here’s my piece, in case you’re interested: https://open.substack.com/pub/beginneratlife/p/the-perils-of-imagining-a-perfect?r=2e3bq7&utm_medium=ios
Detach to fruits of labor, labor is the prize yo