Why I choose to live a boring life

Routines are not ruts.

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Once upon a time, I mistook an exciting life for a happy life.

I saw people on social media traveling, living the adventurous nomadic lifestyle I’d always wanted, and blamed my boring, mundane existence in a place I didn’t like for my unhappiness.

Then one day I wondered — what’s the point of traveling if I have nothing to come home to?

I had no routine, no friends beyond my husband because I was a homebody loner who spent all my time working, and no real aspirations beyond ‘make a lot of money and travel.’

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was chasing the wrong things. Excitement doesn’t equal happiness.

Unfortunately, we’re sold the lie that a happy life is an exciting life.

We compare our lives with the social media highlight reel and wrongly conclude that the source of our troubles is a mediocre life.

Comparison and self-loathing are sadly poor motivators for positive lifestyle changes, leaving everyone more depressed and anxious than ever before.

What if excitement isn’t the most important metric? What if chasing excitement causes you to chase the wrong things, distracts you from becoming who you’re meant to be?

For those who want to become the happiest, healthiest, most authentically successful versions of themselves, I’m here to propose something deeper.

Ironically the YouTube video inspiring this blog post was created by a woman living in Maui.

Sorry, but a boring life in Hawaii is not nearly as boring as mine. (I know because I once lived there.)

I live in a dusty desert suburb where summer highs hover around 110 degrees (43 Celsius for the rest of you). It’s so hot I carry my dog Kevin Gregory to the park for his afternoon potty break so his paws don’t burn. It’s so hot people barely celebrate the 4th of July because even the water in our pools hits 90 degrees (32 C).

For years, all I wanted to do was leave — one day I will, and that resistance was part of the reason I chased excitement.

Vacations, course launches, business goals.

These things mattered to me and still do, but looking back, the real reason I wanted them was because they were a ticket to somewhere else.

Cultural lore encourages the pursuit of excitement.

We’re encouraged to break our routines, take a different route to work, try something new! Don’t be boring.

Look how much better, cooler, happier and more accomplished all these exciting people are than you.

We’re told routines are ruts. But that’s not true.

A slow, simple boring life in which your day unfolds as a chain of nourishing rituals is not a rut.

It’s deeply meaningful.

Ruts form through meaningless repetition.

Years locked in a grey cubicle reading emails you’re CC’d on but not expected to answer and attending meetings that could’ve been an email is a rut.

Season after season watching life from a distance while you feel dissatisfied but spend nights watching Netflix instead of scrolling your soul is a rut.

Taking a different route to work or trying a different coffee shop is like rearranging chairs on the Titanic as it sinks.

A temporary high, a jolt of excitement that soon wears off.

Excitement is not the answer.

Meaning is.

Excitement distracts you from what you actually need: strategic inner work to uncover your values, goals and desires to align your waking life with the one your soul longs for.

The purpose of our lives is to grow into who we really are, with our gifts, talents and qualities of being. Knowing what you want requires following your curiosity, which isn’t necessarily the same as excitement.

In fact, following your purpose inevitably leads you through difficulties, life lessons meant to help you grow. Excitement is a superficial metric, and relying on it can cause you to give up when you need to dig in.

Boredom creates an environment where curiosity can flourish.

Boredom creates space for meaning. A meaningful life is one we love to live, not one we love to escape from.

Why we resist routine

It never fails…

Deep into the rhythm of the same thing at the same time, every day, I notice myself getting bored, feeling trapped by the repetition. I feel grumpy, annoyed that my life feels inadequate.

Looking back, my desire for excitement was actually a desire to run from these feelings, from myself.

My need for novelty was driven not by pure desire, but by a dysregulated nervous system wrecked by trauma that felt comfortable in chaos. When things got too good, I’d find myself wondering what would go wrong next.

Reacting to that fear, I compulsively sought change. I don’t know what pain is coming, but I’m going to outrun it.

In this way, routine healed me. I don’t know what happens next in life, but I do know I have a foundation to lean on.

I do know what happens after sitting with those feelings instead of distracting myself from them:

A day or two later, my nervous system relaxes, vitality replaces exhaustion, peace permeates from deep within.

I get so excited when I drop deep into the rhythm of an everyday routine.

Something clicks. Life becomes a giant flow state. It makes me feel so good that I’ve given my body this gift of consistency and dedication to my highest self.

Excitement isn’t wrong, but it is addictive. Addictions are powered by pain, and giving into them yields a life reflecting our smaller selves, not our higher selves.

Absolutely nothing compares to the joy of living a boring life.

Reasons to live a boring life

1. A boring life heals your nervous system.

   Our bodies crave consistency and routine so they know what to expect. Excitement and anxiety are siblings. Constant stimulation taxes our brains and nervous systems as they scan incoming stimuli not only for threats, but also for context and understanding. We weren’t built to handle this level of stimulation, and I think that’s one reason why so many people struggle with burnout and other stress-related illnesses. My routine has been key to healing adrenal fatigue.
   
   

2. A boring life makes you healthier.
   The healthiest, fittest people all follow really boring routines. Similar meals and workouts, on repeat. I love not worrying when I’ll work out (Pilates at 4 p.m.), walk (around sunset, changes with the season), or do yoga nidra (after Pilates. I interval train my nervous system). I love that I’ve learned to love cooking, and now I don’t even like eating out because my food honestly tastes better.
   
   

3. A boring life with good habits creates guardrails against overwork.

   While I used to only have work-related habits, my day is now peppered with vitality-inducing rituals that I truly look forward to. Things like laying in the sun, daily walks, morning pages in my journal and my healthy hot chocolate after yin yoga at bedtime are things I enjoy, that ground me, that give me a Life to retreat to that nurtures me beyond what I do for a Living.
   
   
   Yes, I have an insane number of habits, but they’re healing me from the inside out. The same rhythm every single day calms me, makes me feel safe, and creates a well of deep peace within.
   
   

4. A boring life makes you more successful.
   Showing up daily is the boring secret to success. People often say they can’t find the time to write / draw / work on their side hustle, or wonder how to overcome writers’ block. The answer is to embrace routine. Identify a regular time to work on your projects, and show up every day whether you feel creative or not.
   
   

5. A boring life makes you happier.

   Think of how people accustomed to sugar consider whole foods bland. Excess sweetener totally dulls their taste buds.

   
   Similarly, constant excitement and change dulls our senses. I’ll never forget the morning I truly listened to the birds singing in the backyard. I heard all the different songs from all the different species of birds in a call and response, noticing it made me feel part of the larger world.
   
   

6. A boring life allows you to find and follow your unique path.

   Excitement distracts you from your path while boredom leads you to it. We don’t want half the things we think we want.

   
   Dopamine hits from algorithmically driven content can shape our life direction more than we’d like to admit, and even stop us from thinking for ourselves. That’s why so many people talk the same, wear the same clothes, read the same books, parrot the same political talking points. People are becoming walking algorithms, NPCs.
   
   Boredom invites space, and in that space you hear your intuition guiding you forward to be who you’re supposed to be.
   
   When I chased excitement I chased goals I thought would make me cool. Embracing a boring life has reconnected me to my higher purpose while helping me create happiness, health and success in the unique way I’m meant to rather than the way others say I should.
   

   
   

   
   

   How to build an enjoyably boring life

1. Journal: What do I need to be my happiest, healthiest, most fulfilled self?
   What would make my life, the one I’m living right now, a joy to wake up to? Possibilities for habits include exercise, time to cook, reflect or journal, meditate, time spent outside, spending time on a hobby. This isn’t about creating your ideal life necessarily, just fully expanding into the life you have right now.
   
   

2. Journal: What is the best flow for your day, as your life exists right now?
   Not the perfect day in your perfect life, but the best average day in your life right now. (This prompt is from my Listen to Your Heart guided journal. My books are a unique mix of self-help books and guided journals.)
   
   No need to get overwhelmed. Pick one new habit to start, and expand from there! Better to start small than not start at all.
   
   

3. Really notice things.
   When you cook, notice the tastes and textures of food. Feel your fingers absorbing the prana, energy of aliveness. Notice how the warm sun feels on your skin. Enjoy the juice pooling on your tongue after biting into fruit.
   
   

4. Use resistance to routine as a way to learn more about yourself.
   What thoughts or sensations arise in your body? Personally, I get a trapped feeling, a little suffocated. I start thinking things like, my life is so boring. Why am I so lame? I just want to get out of here.
   
   This is a totally natural response, and those thoughts aren’t necessarily true. In my experience, on the other side of that sense of feeling trapped is freedom and peace.
   
   I tune into those sensations, seeing if they have any messages to tell me, and start telling myself a different story. Everything is okay. Peace is on the other side. This trapped feeling means I’m healing. Chaos isn’t healthy for me.

   (Learn how to tune into your feelings with my famous Feeling Awareness meditation. Everyone who purchases a journal receives a 20-minute guided audio.)

Thank you for reading! Did you find this post valuable? If so, I’d deeply appreciate your support by liking, commenting or sharing it. It helps more people find my work. If you want more posts, consider subscribing.

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‘Till next time,

Suzanne

Additional free resources to help you create a meaningful, boring life: